- Despite
your Jewish upbringing, support Palestine at all cost. Disregard any and
all other atrocities happening across the globe. Palestine is fresh and
hip. Not only do you seem engaged and political, you get to rock a Keffiyeh.
- Smoke
Parliaments.
- Under
no circumstances support the school your parents are paying exorbitant
amounts of money for you to attend. School spirit and pride is for squares
and bros. Square bros.
- Complain
frequently. The vaguer the criticism the better. Say that the problem with
your school is “systemic” or “institutional.” Offer no suggestions or
constructive criticism.
- Take
over a building. Why not the library? All you need to do is show up and
then refuse to leave. It is the most effective way of getting your point
(perhaps justice in a far away land) across and in no way inconveniences
other students. Make sure to bring your nalgene full of greentea and your
macbook, because you may be there for hours!
- Smoke
weed and avoid homework.
- The
more things you take offense to the better. Throw terms like sexist,
racist, and homophobe at everyone/everything that has the audacity to
disagree with you. The more you use these terms the more valid they
become, so try to squeeze them in every other sentence.
- Attend
class as little as possible. Don’t worry you probably don’t have grades
and none of your classes actually count as credit.
- Frequently
talk about transferring to NYU. The louder the better. Of course, this
will never be a reality because your noncredits don’t transfer.
- It
doesn’t matter if you’re from Long Island, New Jersey, or the Hamptons. At
school you’re from “the city.”
- Take
Adderall, Ritalin, Vivance, Dexedrine, etc for every task requiring the
slightest bit of effort. Cleaning your room? Take some speed. One page
response paper? SPEED.
- Smoke
weed and take downers to relax from all the speed.
- Never
do assigned reading. In the rare event you actually attend class, spend
the whole time talking about completely irrelevant books/causes/ the dream
you had last night. Anything that has nothing to do with the curriculum.
The people in the class aren’t there to learn, they are there to listen to
you.
- Take
Philosophy courses. Nowadays, a philosophy degree is worth its weight in
gold. When someone calls you out on the fact you never did the reading,
respond cryptically with phrases like: “Well, your entire point hinges on
the false assumption that a physical reality actually exists.”
- Wear
a bandana.
- Remember
those designer jeans you bought? Cut those bitches off.
- Remember
those shirts you wore in 4th grade? They’re definitely cool again. People
will find your Spongebob Squarepants shirt refreshing, ironic, and above
all absolutely hilarious. Match it with a scarf and nonprescription
glasses (the thicker the frame the more serious you are) because you’re
not all fun and games. You’re an academic, a political activist, and a
poet/author/musician/artist.
- Having
fun at a party is for frat dudes and conformists. It’s best to stand
outside in the freezing cold clutching a Pabst and smoking a cigarette.
This equals instant respect. If you decide to ingest drugs, tell everyone
about the drugs you are on as they will all certainly be impressed and
fascinated.
- Use
words like ‘solidarity’ and ‘governmentality.’ Learn to love Foucault and
Derrida. While you’re at it, pick up an obscure instrument. Perhaps the
kazoo or the banjo. Wake up your neighbors by practicing said instrument
early and often. When neighbors accost you, hit them with some
deconstructionism. They will be impressed.
- Get
a tattoo. If anyone gets/understands/relates to the tattoo, you did it
wrong.
I absolutely love this. By http://thoughtcatalog.com/
