Unleash.

This is a guest post written by a friend of mine who shall remain anonymous. Okay? Okay. 

This is for the times I have been used and thrown away, for the times I have been stepped on and nailed on my head, for the times I have been pushed away and abandoned.

All that is left inside me is uncontrollable anger towards the world, for what it never was. For what it is, and for what it is making me. For the fact that I have given this world and the people around me my very best, and it has always taken me for granted. I have helped everyone ever who has asked me for help, done everything expected and demanded of me,

You know how sometimes we keep taking punches to our face and kicks in the balls because it’s convenient that way because if the demon inside us wakes up & start giving people what they give us, things will get uglier and nothing will be the same again? And you keep praying and hoping that you stay calm and let things be, but you know you are on the edge and you will get up any moment now and unleash the fire within.

-Anon.

This is.

Because you stand in one place and your mind spins off into a thousand different directions at the same time and it drives you crazy, the constant thrumming of your thoughts which don't stop and you don't know whether to panic or shut down and it gets worse and worse till you're half out of your mind with frustration and fear and yes. That is me right now. 

Being Scared of Success.

Fear of failure is a term every single person has heard. From my own personal experience, it seems every 3rd person has a fear of failing at whatever they think they won't be good enough at. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

But here's the thing. Its always been the opposite for me. I used to be scared that if I were right about an answer once, I'd have to be right every time. If I scored well on a test or in my semester once, I'd have to do it every time. That, honest to God, scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to be held responsible for being excellent every time. I couldn't be. Why would I want that hanging over my head every time I attempted anything at all?!

So I didn't. I didn't try. No, this isn't some sob story. I was just surprised because I didn't know it was one of the leading problems existing in students. Fear of Success isn't all that common, but it's present in A LOT of students. Reason for being an underachiever, a procrastinator, etc, etc. Whatever. I'm just relieved to know it exists and I'm not as crazy as I thought I was. Lol.

5th March.

MERI TOTO KI HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAI! She turned 2 today, Mashallah <3 

Kulsoom Fatima Reza =)

 Also, special shoutout to Roshni and LWAP who WITHOUT FAIL give me feedback on whatever fazool stuff I write, no matter how much of a gap there is between my posts. All my <3 for you two!

1st of March.

I had a cheese omelette today. I love omelettes they're so versatile. They're good with sausages and cheese and greens and onions and peppers and what not. Nomz. I love eggs. I do. All 3 of my stupid siblings hate them and will only eat eggs if there is NOTHING AT ALL left to eat. Stupid. Moar for me.

Just now:

S: What did you have for breakfast?
Me: Cheese omelette.
S: *disgusted expression* Oh my God.
Me: Why do you even ask?
S: In hopes that maybe someday I'll get inspiration.


I have to charge my phone twice a day now. I don't even use it that much. Wifi is off, usually. WHY IT DIES SO SUDDENLY.

Got my result also, passed the 3rd semester. Absolute LAST SEMESTER of my life. Yes, my life I have no plans to study further. Yet.

Maybe I'll become a school counselor.