Color Me Striped.

It is so surreal. It feels like you're looking through glass that's frosted over and you can't get a clear picture. Like the glass wall is fogging your memories and the more you try to wipe it, the thicker it gets. The more you try to get to that memory, it fades. The more frustrated you get, the more unreal it seems.

Did you dream it all, or did it actually happen? 

Khaak.

Someday, you'll learn not to kill yourself for people. Especially people for whom you don't matter. Someday, you'll learn that people who don't feel sad about you leaving or not being there don't love you. Someday. You'll learn to stop yearning to beg those people to love you. Someday soon, you'll man the hell up and grow a pair. Till then... God help you, child.

Muharram 2013.

Every majlis we attend this year starts with the same sentence.

This might be your last majlis. 

With each passing day this Muharram, that fact becomes more and more real. Its only the 8th of Muharram today and as Ashuur comes closer... Most people are wondering if they'll even get to live past it.

Most of my friends and family keep telling us not to attend majaalis, not to participate in juloos. This is exactly what the terrorists want. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, every time I attend a majlis I wonder if I'll get home after this. But I'm not going to stop attending and neither is my family. If anything, we're all more determined to attend. I refuse to give them the satisfaction of Shias hiding in their homes away from all the terrorism.

If this is how I die, while attending a majlis for Imam Hussain (A.S)... Then I can't think of any better way to go.

Rahbar.

I can't believe I have only the last 3 weeks left of being a mentor in the Rahbar program. Even though we go only for one day every week, time flew by.

I wish I could say its been a divine experience that gave me a purpose in my life, etc. but its not. Its much more real than that. The biggest thing I felt in this entire program was that you have this huge, huge responsibility on your shoulders and you cannot escape it or just let it be. You have to actively work to fulfill that role that you chose and you can't back down. That right there changes you in tiny ways that you'll notice only when you're done with the program.

I have 5 beautiful girls to mentor. One of them is a total diva and I love her confidence and enthusiasm. Yes, she's bossy and tries to dominate the other kids but that's where I step in with my *pops collar* veto power.

The other girl with her is her best friend. She's fun and friendly and loves to connect with different people. She tries to find common ground with almost everyone she meets. But Diva loves the limelight and sometimes the BFF is shoved to the side. Friend/ peer dynamics in action.

The third girl is tiny and sweet. She doesn't talk much but she smiles a lot. She's soft spoken and appears to be a pushover but she isn't... not really. She thinks and over thinks and makes up entire scenarios in her head.

The fourth girl is quiet and even more shy. She speaks only when spoken to. She's intimidated easily and is the epitome of the perfect obedient young lady. She likes it that way so I guess I can't really encourage her to stray away too much from that shell. But plus point - she's started speaking up voluntarily and some of her ideas are very well thought out for a young girl with little exposure.

The fifth girl. The most fascinating as far as I know. She needs to be forced to speak. She will not otherwise. She is crushingly shy and eye contact for her is a form of rebellion which she doesn't really engage in. She's serious and humor isn't something she understands. This girl has held my attention ever since the first Saturday I met her. She wants to do something great and noticeable in the world. In her own words: "Meine Arfa Karim jaisa kuch karna hai. Lekin mujhe abhi nahi pata ke wo cheez kya hai." I think she has a depth to her that has yet to be tapped.

They all have great hair (and I'm seriously envious). They are brilliant actors and perform any role play I give them with spot on dialogues and behavior that they make up on the spot. I love seeing them interacting among themselves and other people in the program. I don't know if they've changed me. I don't know if I'm changing them in any way. What I do know is that this will be something both of us remember for the rest of our entire lives. I wouldn't have given this up for the world. Like I said, its not a divine experience but its something that I still don't have a word for.

This is not something you do only once. Here's hoping we all get more chances to actually understand the purpose and then start making those expected changes: within the kids as well as ourselves. 

Cracked.

Lord, give me the strength to go on. Because right now, I don't think I want to.

FP.

I refuse to write about you.

"20 Ways To Be Popular At An Expensive Liberal Arts School"

1. Despite your Jewish upbringing, support Palestine at all cost. Disregard any and all other atrocities happening across the globe. Palestine is fresh and hip. Not only do you seem engaged and political, you get to rock a Keffiyeh.
2. Smoke Parliaments.
3. Under no circumstances support the school your parents are paying exorbitant amounts of money for you to attend. School spirit and pride is for squares and bros. Square bros.
4. Complain frequently. The vaguer the criticism the better. Say that the problem with your school is “systemic” or “institutional.” Offer no suggestions or constructive criticism.
5. Take over a building. Why not the library? All you need to do is show up and then refuse to leave. It is the most effective way of getting your point (perhaps justice in a far away land) across and in no way inconveniences other students. Make sure to bring your nalgene full of greentea and your macbook, because you may be there for hours!
6. Smoke weed and avoid homework.
7. The more things you take offense to the better. Throw terms like sexist, racist, and homophobe at everyone/everything that has the audacity to disagree with you. The more you use these terms the more valid they become, so try to squeeze them in every other sentence.
8. Attend class as little as possible. Don’t worry you probably don’t have grades and none of your classes actually count as credit.
9. Frequently talk about transferring to NYU. The louder the better. Of course, this will never be a reality because your noncredits don’t transfer.
10. It doesn’t matter if you’re from Long Island, New Jersey, or the Hamptons. At school you’re from “the city.”
11. Take Adderall, Ritalin, Vivance, Dexedrine, etc for every task requiring the slightest bit of effort. Cleaning your room? Take some speed. One page response paper? SPEED.

12. Smoke weed and take downers to relax from all the speed.
13. Never do assigned reading. In the rare event you actually attend class, spend the whole time talking about completely irrelevant books/causes/ the dream you had last night. Anything that has nothing to do with the curriculum. The people in the class aren’t there to learn, they are there to listen to you.
14. Take Philosophy courses. Nowadays, a philosophy degree is worth its weight in gold. When someone calls you out on the fact you never did the reading, respond cryptically with phrases like: “Well, your entire point hinges on the false assumption that a physical reality actually exists.”
15. Wear a bandana.
16. Remember those designer jeans you bought? Cut those bitches off.
17. Remember those shirts you wore in 4th grade? They’re definitely cool again. People will find your Spongebob Squarepants shirt refreshing, ironic, and above all absolutely hilarious. Match it with a scarf and nonprescription glasses (the thicker the frame the more serious you are) because you’re not all fun and games. You’re an academic, a political activist, and a poet/author/musician/artist.
18. Having fun at a party is for frat dudes and conformists. It’s best to stand outside in the freezing cold clutching a Pabst and smoking a cigarette. This equals instant respect. If you decide to ingest drugs, tell everyone about the drugs you are on as they will all certainly be impressed and fascinated.
19. Use words like ‘solidarity’ and ‘governmentality.’ Learn to love Foucault and Derrida. While you’re at it, pick up an obscure instrument. Perhaps the kazoo or the banjo. Wake up your neighbors by practicing said instrument early and often. When neighbors accost you, hit them with some deconstructionism. They will be impressed.
20. Get a tattoo. If anyone gets/understands/relates to the tattoo, you did it wrong.

I absolutely love this. By http://thoughtcatalog.com/

Laval.

*while sitting on H's (little bro) lap in the car*

Me: I heard that.

H: Heard what?

Me: I heard that.

H: Heard what?

Me: You burped.

H: No, I didn't =/

Me: I heard you, you just did!

H: If I'd burped, your face would have been on the windscreen.

Me *disgusted look*: It was a small burp.

H: Child, I don't do small burps. Imma pro.

Prophecies.

You start believing you're God. And that's when you're sunk. 

Girls Are Weird.

And words matter. When it's your cousin whom you've been inseparable with since childhood stares at you in surprise when you tell her that she's one of your best-est friends.

"I never knew that."

"What?! Of course you knew! Come on. You know you're one of my closest people."

"Yeah but... you've never said it before."

*pause*

"What are you, stupid?"

Sigh. Sometimes I just want to smack my girls. 

White Stags.

"So much death, so much loss, and the chance for more to come. That was the true terror of love, that you could love with your whole heart, your whole soul, and lose both."

P & P.

While reading Parenting and Psychopathology: 

S: You should keep that permanently. Might come in handy.

Me: Library ki hai, can't. Why?

S: Mein bata rahi hun boht faida ho ga.

Me: You think my kids will be psychopaths?!

S: THINK? What do you mean THINK? I KNOW your kids will be psychopaths.

(she was dead serious). 

Garlic Mayo.

The chef on TV (I forgot her name) claimed this Garlic Mayo recipe was the same as OPTP's. Needless to say I was all "HEHEHE, PAGAL HO GAYEE HAI KYA, HEHE, CAN'T EVER BE, HEHE." Etc. Imagine my surprise when I tried her recipe and it tasted... Better than OPTP's. See, the OPTP garlic mayo sauce is WAY TOO GARLICKY. You can't have it after it starts cooling off. You can't have it the next day. You eat it and your breath stinks. Just too much garlic and the mayo turns to glue. But okay, I'm rambling. Here you go:

Mayonnaise                2-3tbsp
Garlic                        1 clove, crushed into paste
White Vinegar             1 tbsp
Cream                        1 tbsp
Salt & White Pepper    To taste

 (excuse the bad quality)

So I like my mayo very tangy. Play around with the measurement, you might get a surprisingly good sauce that tastes EXACTLY like you want it to. For more tang, add half a tablespoon more of vinegar. You want it creamier and slightly runny, add more cream. Please make sure the garlic isn't too much because the flavor completely eclipses all the other ingredients. Serve with fries, nachos, chicken wings or whatever strikes your fancy. Enjoy!

Bheeg.

This header is too girly. I am not.

I still love my phone.

PB & J.

Sometimes you think it's going be okay. Most times it's not. Sometimes you feel like it will, like there's nothing to stop you from moving on and taking what you want as your right. Most times... You can't. "Okay" is childish. Its all going be okay. Its not. You have to make it okay. You expect it to all just work out and fall into place, you're a bigger fool than even you think.

I think my blog needs a revamp.

Its too calm and stoic. I'm not either.

Peanut butter jelly time.