What Do I Do?

June or July I graduate (Inshallah)
I have NO IDEA what I'm supposed to do after.
M.Sc? M.Phil? A.D.C.P.? WHAT?!

Or maybe H.R.M.

AGH. Suggestions?

Wedesday.

Who's the scared, teacher's pet, hypocrite now, B?

P.S. I bought w395. It sucks.

Haye Shukar Hai!

OH.
MY.
GOD.

I'm in my last semester of Hons. You know what's so awesome about it? IS KE BAAD KOI SEMESTER NAI =D =D =D
Ha!

Death By Belief.

She knelt in front of them, genuflecting, her head bowing forwards in respect, her long, dark tresses covering her face. They stared back, their habits, tunics and veils barely stirring in the light breeze, their regard forbidding. The cold, harsh stones pressed into her knee, making her shiver. Biting back a sob, she dared raise her head a few inches, risking a glance at those towering before her. The one in the front inclined her head and held out her hand, cradling a whip, towards the woman kneeling on the floor. The others shifted and murmured among themselves. She spoke sharply, to quiet the others and gestured impatiently with the whip, making the woman on the floor hesitatingly reach out to it. It was meant for her. Meant to punish herself. She felt the cold of the whip in her hand and stared at it, the long end of it reminding her of a snake, gleaming, poised to strike with its poisonous fangs. She raised it above her head, readying herself for the first strike, the muscles of her bare back bunching in tense anticipation. She brought it down falteringly, with the others looking on, silent once more. Only her harsh breathing echoed in the cold, cruel room. She raised it again, brought it back down with more force, again and again and again while the one in the front smiled and looked on with pleasure, her eyes gleaming. The whip bit into her back, making the skin split open and start to bleed, her body shivering, her teeth biting her lips to keep from screaming out loud. Her bones jutted out from her back, a striking contrast to the pale, pale, silk like skin that covered them. Losing herself in the pain and reveling in it, she whipped her back with more and more force till her arms gave out and the one in the front took over for the woman - whipping and whipping and whipping till the red haze cleared out of her black mind and saw the broken, bleeding body of the woman who once used to live inside it.

10-01-10

What is with you people?! I log in every day, NOBODY blogs. The same week old posts I see every day. I don't log in for a DAY. One day. And EVERYONE has updated their blog. Ajeeb log ho.

Mehreen, I feel dumb every time I read your brilliant posts. So here's a public apology and a reason for why I don't comment as much as I should. Neelofer, I lost your blog links *hangs head in shame* I love you, don't kill meh.

So. Besides that. My exams are over with but I have 3 practicals left. Viva. 3 viva. *gulp*
Help me, God.

Thund kuch zyada nai ho gai Lahore mein?

Why Can't It Be This Way?

Scene 1:
Maryam has been sitting holed up in her room, studying for her toughest exam yet. She doesn't care about food, sleep or showering (ew?), she doesn't go online, she's ditched all her friends, she's boycotted her family., all she wants to do is study, study, study so she can ace her exam and score one of the highest averages in the class!

Scene 2:
Maryam thinks about studying and goes like 'yeah, whatever' for her toughest exam yet. She looks up at the ceiling, doodles stuff here and there, blogs, checks Facebook and Hotmail 2345777 times a day, cooks and cleans and calls and messages her friends. She plays Restaurant City and Sorority Life and FB messages friends she hasn't spoken to in a while. She tries random experiments in her kitchen, stares at her mobile, twiddles her thumbs and whistles. She has chaye, chaye and more chaye and stares up at the ceiling some more. Oh wait, but she has an exam! *insert gasp* Oh, Lord, she should be studying! *insert collective gasp* And still she says, with such grace and eloquence 'yeah, whatever'.

How I WISH Scene 1 were the case, and not Scene 2.

From 05-01-09 to 05-01-10

Happy Anniversary,

Blog =)

Is It Me Or Is It Me?

You know that cliched, over-worked, over-used 'I hate everything'?

Well. Fits perfectly today. I hate everything today: my headphones tangling up, my jeans getting beneath my soles, my toe-socks getting snagged on the wrong toe, yep you got it now. EVERYTHING. I hate every damn thing. People, too. People are annoying me too. I'm not stupid enough to think that its just me, I'm sure I'm annoying them way worse with this attitude but GOD what do I do?! I don't know how to not be this way. What, is this exam stress (HA!) or the not recovering part? I just don't know. I really hope I'm not the only person to have days like this. And get on people's nerves like this. Yeah, like me with this post and you making that 'is she nuts?' expression while reading it. Don't blame you.