Sunday on Thursday

It's been a nice day and I wanted to write that somewhere.

I woke up, sent the husband off, then made chai for myself. 2 mugs, of course.

I read a little, watched The Holiday (finally), had some more chai and leftover Thai food.

I made Butter Chicken for dinner.

Now I'm reading a new book, with a Sunday morning playlist (hence the title) that sounds amazing thanks to my tiny speaker from Miniso.

It's been a nice day, and I want to preserve how good it feels. Here. For the next time things are not so nice and I'm missing home. 

A Little More

Here's what happened 5 mins after reaching the hotel in Dubai:

Husband: What's with the face? Kya hua?

Me: Nothing.

I know it's something. Tell me.

WHAT IF WE'RE BORED AND ANNOYED AND DON'T GET ALONG AND IT'S AWFUL AND HORRIBLE AND THE WHOLE TRIP SUCKS?!

-pause-

H: ... what if it doesn't suck?

That was us pretty much every day. Me, the mental patient. Him, the calm rational person telling me it's okay.

After that, things actually settled quite a bit and we managed to have a blast. Meeting friends often helped a lot. Things are easier in a crowd, and the pressure's off to be the one always talking, laughing, making interesting conversation (lol), etc. Also, shisha. I mean... soul food. Or smoke.

He really surprises me sometimes though. I mean that in a good way. In the 'I can't believe someone can genuinely be this nice' way. I thought I was the nicest person I knew. He has me beat by 500 levels. Kind of a strange feeling to be the idiot in the relationship but I'm okay with it, hehe. 

Back to work today for him, visiting family and friends for me. Little cousin who was 5 just a couple years ago is now suddenly an A level graduate and I'm helping her get ready for her farewell tonight. And then on Thursday, back to the original home. Yay!

Trippin'

So, we're headed to Dubai on a little trip and I have to say... It feels really fkn weird. The only time I traveled without my family was when I went to Dubai a couple years back and even then I had my sister and one of my closest friends with me.

I'm super stressed because the what ifs won't leave me alone, vaguely nauseous, exhausted, hungry and did I mention nauseous and stressed?

I don't know when this maelstrom will settle. I really hope it's soon because this way I'll probably just die from stress and overthinking in a couple weeks lol.

Here's to proving my fears wrong and having a great time. 🍻

The Adjustment Period

Sounds like the title of a sad, conflicted book. Not far off the mark, waise.

For a couple days now (because of a friend's comment), I've genuinely been considering taking anti anxiety meds just to take the edge off. I know it's a stupid idea right now because after every major change, you have to wait at least 2 months before you can start telling yourself you have a problem that requires medication to fix.

That's the adjustment period. The two months. Two months of limbo where everything is uncertain and strange and feels alien. That's supposed to be normal because the threshold for acceptance of all things new and weird is supposed to be 2 months. At least.

It's only been 13 days for me, so like I said - stupid idea to even consider taking meds, even OTC meds.

Everyone else is telling me to take my time, these things don't happen overnight, it's scary and anxiety inducing for everyone, just give it time, time, time.

I have always been so bad at that. I have zero patience when it comes to fixing my own issues, which is really dumb when you're a psychologist. Okay, maybe not so dumb. Maybe this is what all of us do. Is it? Anyone?

Khair. I'm usually great at rambling and whining, and what better place to do both than here, my crazy ass blog since '09? Good God, it's been 8 years. Just counted and it struck me. That's a long, long time to be whining and ranting and rambling and generally being an idiot.

For those of you who know me and will be concerned after this creepy, depressing post - I'm not unhappy, lol. Just weirded out and finding it difficult to adjust without the family and support system. It's strange, that's all.

I really want those pills tho. Just to have fun for the next few days because trip, yay.