Wanna Stalk Me?

***Disclaimer***
All of these are ABSOLUTELY true. Qasam se. =D

Okay, all of the girls who read this, I'm sure you're more than familiar with almost all of these. My sister and I came up with these last night, recalling all the stalkers (good, bad, hilarious, plain stupid, leecher) and just cracked up. Where do these people come from?!

So, anyway. Starting off with when they call and you politely ask 'Aap ko number kahan se mila?'
The brilliant responses:

"Allah Miyan ne dia"
"Wahi nazil hui thi"
"Khwaab mein aya tha"
"Forward email mein aya tha"
"Sarrak (road) pe parra hua tha, meine utha liya"
"Geo ki headlines/breaking news mein dikha rahe thay"
"Ek banda aap ka numer phela raha hai to meine be le liya"

And then when you tell them to please STOP calling,

"AAP roz phone karti hain, meine to nai kiya"
"AAP ki missed call ai thi"
"AAP ki he dost ne diya tha"

Matlab, wtf?!

Acha, then when you ask them WHY they called up a random number,

"Aap ne number bechna hai?"
"I am so alone"
"Mein depressed hun"
"Mein boht akela hun, aap mujh se dosti kar lein mera sab dukh chala jaye ga"

Then when you ask them who they are, the sheer brilliance of their response:

"Spider-man"
"Aap ka dost"
"Pehchana nai?! Kitni buri ho!"
"Abhi to phone pe baat hui thi aap se"
"Mujhe bhul gai ho?"
"Jis ko number deti ho us ko yaad b rakha karo"
" I AM PIA CAPTAIN" Then the same guy 2 days later,
"I AM SHOAIB MALIK FROM P.T.V., WHEN YOU COME TO MY OFFICE TO MEET ME?"

Most of them start off with a text like: "Yo...kami/adnan/akmal/mani/kamran...kaisa hai yar...kidhar gayab hai chiknay...milna kisi din jigger...chal call to kar mujhe"

Yeah, they text you, pretending they don't know that they've deliberately SMSed a random number: "Ye to mere dost ka tha... acha call to uthao..." Ugh. Seriously.

You tell them, very nicely, to please go bother someone else, to get a life, or very politely tell them to fuck off. The replies:

"Wot the fuck iz your prob, huh?"
"okz, okz, vaise very imp baat...plz pick phone...plz, plz. Very imp"
"Why? Are you scared of getting raped or some shit?" (yeah boy, I'm so damn scared of SMS rape)
"FINE. BYE."
2 minutes later...
"Hi" (you guessed it, the same guy, jis ko pehle itni ghairat charhi thi)
"I will cut myself" 2 minutes later... "I am cutting myself" 2 more minutes later... "I have cut myself"

Some guy called up my sister and went in a VERY feminine voice "Helloowwww, helllooowwww... *huge sigh* stupid"

We literally fell down laughing. Then there was this guy who used to call me up and went like:

"Helloo... hellloooooooooooo... baat nai karni? Acha gana suno, bara acha hai *music plays*"

He did that every single night. He called, and whenever I picked up, he started playing random songs.