Of Woe.

What's worse than being ill? I'll tell you what. Having to study while you're ill. Study for your finals.

I don't know if its the meds I'm taking or if my brain has just shut down and refused to work; I don't understand A WORD of whatever text I'm reading. Not my notes, not my books, not even Scrabble's instruction manual. I just can't understand written text. What, am I dumb? No, wait don't answer that.

Bah. How do I study like this?!

Help?

Can't decide. LG Cookie or Sony Ericsson w395i?

W395i:

LG Cookie:

P.S. Don't offer any other phone unless they're from 9-11000.

No, I don't believe a cellphone is the center of my life and refuse to spend more than the above mentioned amount. Thank you. Help meh, plis.

2010 - Almost.

2010 is almost, almost here. The year I've been waiting for for the past 4 YEARS. This year (2010), ladies and gentlemen, I will Inshallah, Inshallah graduate *booty-shake*

Finally.

26-12-09

La Fatah Ila Ali

La Saif Ila Zulfiqar

لا فتى إلا علي لا سيف إلا ذو الفقار

[There is no youth/hero but Ali (A.S.) and no sword but Zulfiqar -the sword of Ali (A.S.)]

Foodie Experiments.

So, I tried out this this recipe for enchiladas I got from a friend. Her pictures looked amazing. About the taste, I have no idea, A =P

Mine were... Okay. Just okay. One, because I had to settle for attay ki roti instead of proper pita bread. Second, it was way too dry.

I tried it again with Pita bread later that night, smearing Peri-Peri, Barbecue sauce and cheese over the base before adding in the chicken mixture. Small improvement in taste, but not much. Still too dry.

Today. I mixed in the leftover mixture in white sauce (with seasoning) and then added it to fried swirly twirly macaroni and OH MY GOD ITS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS <3!!!

For all food lovers out there, this recipe is a must try:

Ingredients:

The filling:

1. Onion - 1 (diced)
2. Chicken - 2 breast pieces (boiled and cut into little chunks)
3. Ginger - 1 tsp
4. Garlic - 1 tsp
5. Green chilli - 2 (finely chopped)
6. Barbecue Sauce - 2 tbsp
7. Peri Peri sauce - 2 tbsp
8. Shimla mirch - 2 (cut into cubes)
9. Tomato Puree - 2 -3 tbsp
10. Oregano, salt, red chillies, white pepper, black pepper - add according to requirement.
11. Cheddar Cheese - as much as you need.
12. Chilli Garlic Sauce - 1 tbsp

White Sauce:

1. Butter - 2 tbsp
2. Flour (maida) - 2-3 tbsp
3. Milk - to make the sauce, no special quantity
4. Salt, red pepper flakes, mixed herbs, white and black pepper, paprika
5. Cheddar Cheese - very little, just for the smoothness

Take a half to a full pack of elbow or spiral macaroni, depends on how much you want to make.

Method:

Saute the onions, don't brown them. Add ginger and garlic. After a few seconds, add the chicken and green chillies and fry. Add tomato puree and seasoning. Add the sauces at the end, along with the shimla mirch. Take it off the stove, don't cook the sauces for more than a minute. Add the chilli garlic and cheese.

For the sauce, melt butter in a pan and take off stove. Little by little, add the flour till it makes a dry-ish paste. Add milk in small trickles and put it back on the stove. Mix it well, and repeatedly. If you add too much milk at once, or stop stirring, you'll ruin the sauce. Add the seasoning and continue adding small sips of milk as the sauce thickens. Keep the flame low. Add the cheese and mix the chicken mixture into your sauce. Mix it well, so the flavors blend together.

Fry boiled macaroni for a minute and then add the sauce and chicken mixture. Cook for a few seconds and turn off flame, don't cook it too much. Voila, there you have it, awesome-yummy pasta =)







Most of the credit for this recipe goes to Amber, the variations are mine =P

Oh. My. God.

This is just to tempt you guys. Check out these AMAZING recipes at this site http://simplyrecipes.com/. Most of the recipes are really simple and also - a major major major plus - most ingredients are available here. Its pretty great for the baking retarded - like me -_-.

But anyway. Check it out, they have some really good stuff - wacky stuff too like Chai Icecream - lol.

=D

Anushay talking about her sister's second (very recent) baby:
Nushay Qaiser. says:
But, he's a jaan
Nushay Qaiser. says:
and he ooowaaaan'ed over the phone yesterday
Nushay Qaiser. says:
I cried =D
Maryam says:
HAHAHAHA
Maryam says:
AWWWWW
Nushay Qaiser. says:
and Ahmed went all big brother
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"Does he want something to eat?"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
Apa"no"
Maryam says:
AWWW
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"A drink?"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"he can't eat anything solid yet"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"Oh but whyyy?"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"he has to be 1 before he eats"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"if we celebrate his birthday today, can he be one? then can he eat?"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"No honey we can't celebrate his birthday today"
Maryam says:
Hahahahaha
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"Why? Do we have to celebrate it out of our house like a special occassion, the way we celebrate MY birthday?"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
"umm. Yes"
Nushay Qaiser. says:
hahahaha =D

False Memory.

Dean Koontz's False Memory makes me think I have a disorder. Its so creepy =/

Autophobia.

One of its definitions includes "fear of oneself".
I had no idea it even existed.
Imagine what it must be like - scared of seeing your reflection in the mirror, scared of your own shadow. Literally scared of your own shadow.
Imagine.

How do you deal with a mentally unstable person who screams at you in the public ground of a mental institution?

And then when said person apologizes with his voice still vibrating with anger?

How.

Hello, Islamabad.

There were SO MANY MORE but I think I should stop here =P

04-12-09

I miss blogging. I really do. But I just don't know what to write about anymore. December's here, and its still hot. God.

I Suck At Titles.

I really, really crave a break from this hideous rut I'm stuck in. Work, work, home, work, work. I like being busy, but I do NOT like boring and that's exactly what I am aj kal.

... And Eid.

Going to visit 'precious' family is NOT my idea of 'fun holidays'. I'd rather stay home and watch seasons on DVD. Eat Lays. French Cheese. Yummay.

Sometimes, I wish I were a hermit. Nobody would say anything to me for being antisocial. It'd just be the way I am. Was. Whatever.

Meine nai Islamabad jana =(

Smile, You.

"You're amazing. I promise."

"No. You are."

"I'm addictive maybe. Like cocaine or heroin. But you, you're addictive like salvation and goodness and wholesomeness and love. You're an angel."

23-11-09

You know what cheers me up, aj kal?

Wannabe.

You guessed it. The Spice Girls. =P

Een, please don't kill me.

21-11-09

I really, really want to work in Fountain House.

Really.

DASS 21.

If anyone knows where to get a reasonably tameez dar Depression Anxiety Stress Scale (21) form in Urdu, please email me ASAP. The one I have... sucks.

Update.

So, the 'clinical' practicals are starting. We're supposed to gather 3 patients each; interview them, apply tests on them and make a clinial case report. All of us are pretty much doing this for the first time ever and we're obviously apprehensive. We've heard about some pretty bad and freaky stuff happening during interviews: from our seniors.

I don't know. None of us knows what to expect. It IS kinda scary because we're all afraid of somehow making somebody even worse than they already are by offending them or something.

One thing.

How the hell are we supposed to interview them about their complete sexual history?! And the questions we're supposed to ask are... well. Seriously embarrassing for US, not them. Almost all of us will get male clients.

God. I hope nothing goes wrong. We're messing with people's brains, in a way =/

Sleepovers.

I hate it when our sleepover dates get cancelled.
I need that sleepover.
Dammit.

Its all because I study. I should stop.

I should stop, haina?

Have You Realized?

Have you realized,

baby,

that there are heart-breaking
silences

where we once used to say

'I love you'?

Wtf?

Is wearing earrings a sign that you're getting married? I usually don't wear dangling earrings - no, not because I'm uncomfortable, I LOVE them, but because I just never bothered wearing them to college.

I wore them yesterday.

I wore them today.

And both times I was asked "tumhari mangni ho gai hai?" "tumhara rishta pakka ho gya hai?"

W.
T.
F?!

I can't wear earrings because I'm not married?

Thank You, You Beautiful People.

Mona, Fati, Een, Bia, Sid, Anush, Bazqa, Zahra, Areesha and Sarah. Thank you all SO MUCH. You guys made my day insanely special, and I LOVE you all for that, I do. Thank you, really.

With lots and lots of love,

Maryam.

P.S. Een and Sid. My most ispashul peepul. Thank you both. Love you <3, always.

05-11-09

I love african daisies and coffee and mint ice-cream and the smell of rain and the scent of wet dirt. I like the smell of freshly mown grass and frying french fries. I love french fries. I could eat them all day and be happy. I love making new stuff, I love meeting up with my friends after a long, long time and thinking for the moment, just that moment, that they're here for me after all. That all you people are mine =)

I am insane about Copper Kettle's Mama's Poutine.

04-11-09

Happy birthday, Mama =D

21st. 02-11-09

Bomb blasts again today.

Happy birthday to me.

La La Ramblings.

I.
Detest.
Social.
Psychology.
From.
The.
CORE.
Absolute.
CORE.
Of.
My.
Heart.

DETEST IT.

So anyway, Imma make crunchy chocolate almond cookies today =D

Strange: 30-10-09

Hello, new followers. Thank you, new followers. Lol.

Its strange how Birthday Alarm sends me reminders for my own birthday. I want my friends here. Yes, those who *hint hint* live in Islamabad, India and Karachi. And America. And England. Dammit.

Een hai Lahore mein. Us ki to khair hai, wo to poopy hai meri <3
Anushay aur Osheen be hain. Hm.

I've always thought of myslf as a pretty outgoing, friendly, I-love-making-new friends kind of person. I do like people. Mostly. But when my sister asked me who I wanted to invite to my (not happening) birthday lunch, all I could come up with were three people. I'm not mentioning names, I prefer dying naturally, thank you.

But still. Strange.

I have only two days left to be 20 years old. Good or bad?

Creamy Spinach and Chicken Lasagne.

And here we go. This is all me =D

Khana.

On the menu for today, ladies and gentlemen,

Creamy Spinach and Chicken Lasagne.

Drool, slaves, drool.

Okay, so the images have been stolen from Google, cause my lasagne is still in the oven. I shall upload a picture of that too =D

MUJHE BHOOK LAGI HAI.

Meray aur is kaali billi mein koi farq nai hai.

Scared Was What I Was.

Last night, I was reading in bed and my sister was sitting on it talking to her friend on the phone. I thought she was shaking the bed, she kept thinking I was shaking it. Her friend told her our friend Mr. Zalzala was shaking everything.

And that is when my heart stopped. No, not literally but I did have trouble breathing, thinking rationally. I have never forgotten the 8th October earthquake and I will never forget it. I wake up at night, as soon as our bed moves in the slightest. It was the most scariest day of my entire short life. I know most people had it even worse but sitting there, in that earthquake, thinking this is it, we're all going to die.... God. NOTHING comes close, nothing.

So last night kinda scared the shit out of me.

Take Me The Way I Am.

Listen to the song I embedded. Seriously. Beautiful, beautiful song.

If you were falling, then I would catch you

You need a light, I'd find a match

Cause I love the way you say good morning

And you take me the way I am

If you are chilly, here take my sweater

Your head is aching; I'll make it better

Cause I love the way...y you call me baby

And you take me the way I am

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair

Sew on patches to all you tear

Cause I love you more than I could ever promise

And you take me the way I am

You take me the way I am

You take me the way I am

-Ingrid Michaelson.

Take Me The Way I Am.

Yours.

I want to kiss you. I want to hold you and have you hold me back tight, so tight, I can’t breathe. I want to press my face against the skin of your neck. I want to inhale your scent, deep, so deep, it’s in my blood. I want to stroke your hair and kiss your eyes and your face and love you so, so much, you’re drowning in it. I want you to need me and to want me and to never, ever let me go. I want you to live with me, live for me. I want us to be forever. Forever. I want to be etched into your mind and your heart so you can’t forge me even if you wanted to. I want to be your obsession, your strength, your power and your heart. I want to be the reason you’re happy, the reason you’re sad, the only one who can make tears come to your eyes. I want you to tell me I’m it for you; I’m the one, the only one. I want to be your everything.

Do you know how I feel? How much I feel? How much I wish and wish would come true? How can you know how I feel? How can you not know? Do you know what my life is for me, now? An endless, endless black abyss. A stretching, yawning length of black, the only bits of sparkling gold and silver and pink, the times I’m with you. You. Only you. Always you. Always. Hamesha, my love.

I love you. I’ll always love you. You’re in my blood and heart and soul. My skin. I see you when I close my eyes. I see you when I open them. Mind, body, heart. You. All you.

Take care of you. My you. I love you.

Jagmagaati hui raat ye
Bin tere shikayatein
Koi nahi mujh ko sun raha
Dhalta din majboor hai
Manzil zara door hai
Bujh raha umeedon ka chiragh

Khata ho gai
Saza ho gai
Puranay din yaad ayen na
Dunya ke is shor mein
Seekha hai mar ke
Hoti zindagi kya

… Bachana, mujhe bachana.

Yay Moments.

Its barely been a week since I started tutoring. My student's biggest problem were her spelling and grammar mistakes and I am very, very proud of her tonight. Beacuse where I used to find 20-25 mistakes, I found only 2-4 today.

I am SO happy.

=D

19-10-09

7th Semester 1st Midterm exam. Went pretty well.

Took me all of 40 minutes to complete.

I'm sure the teacher'll deduct marks because I wrote only 2-3 lines describing an 'optical mouse' and the 'control panel'. Duh. How does she expect me to write paragraphs on those?!

Anyway, its over with.

Oh and my best friend and her class had a lot of fun today at my expense. Of course, since I wore sleeves under my three-quarter kameez sleeves so my arms wouldn't show, they obviously concluded this as something of extreme hilarity. Can't blame them for making fun of me now, can you?

Best friend indeed. Who'd want enemies?

Why Are Goodbyes Always So Wrenching?

She stood slightly away from where he sat, his fists clenched, his breathing slow and rationed, his head bowed. Her hands trembled as they locked together, wishing she could touch him, but knowing it would break them both. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and took another one. She murmured something only she could hear, perhaps something to give her strength to get through the next few minutes. And days. And years and years to come. It broke her heart to see him like this, holding his own storm inside him for her benefit. But maybe it was best this way. Otherwise, they might leave each other permanently scarred.

She tried to speak, and nothing came out. She moaned silently, frustrated at her lack of control. Tears burned at the back of her eyes. Composing herself, she spoke again. And her voice came out, low but steady.

“So… I guess this is goodbye then”.

He raised his head and looked at her. Her breath caught at the misery in his eyes.

“Looks like” he responded, turning his face away again.

She paused, uncertain, not knowing what to say. Her heart ached fiercely for them both. Abandoning caution and logic and all sorts of reasoning, she crossed towards him slowly and touched his hair. He closed his eyes and let out an explosive sigh. Leaning back, he opened his arms for her, she slid into his lap and help him close, both assuming a position that was as familiar to them as breathing. She rested her head against his, and kissed him lightly, her hair falling over to curtain both their faces. Tears slid down her cheeks and wet his face as well. He stroked her hair, gently putting pressure on her head till it rested in the curve of his neck and shoulder. He buried his face in her fragrant hair, inhaling deeply and trying to hold back his own pain and despair, rocking them both, failing to comfort but desperate to try.

So I guess this is goodbye then.

Gangsta Cookie(s).

I made Chaudhry Cookie. Look:

October 15th.

My muse seems to have deserted me.
Sigh.

13-10-09

Something that I swore could never happen, happened.

I'm tutoring -_-

I never, ever thought that this would one day... Happen.

But it has.

Oh, yes it has.

My student told me today that human beings have 23 teeth. I asked her to count her own teeth and then tell me. She did. With her tongue.

And then she said they were 24.

P.S. I LOVE THESE SHOES <3!!!!

Painful Times.

My friend and I decided to finish both our case reports in one day. High ambition, indeed. So she came over to my place after uni. And we started.

...I typed for 8. Whole. Hours.

And now I can't sit down cause it hurts like hell.


Khair. We're done with the case reports. THANK YOU, GOD!

Friday Ki Raat Hai.

Aur mein kaam kar kar ke pagal ho chuki hun. My workload this semster has increased tenfold. We're recording case history interviews... Abhi to normal logon per per very soon, they'll be on mentally ill people. Gulp. I've heard. That if they don't like a question of yours, they'll hit you, or threaten or try and shock or harm you in any way they can think of.















... And also that most of the patients are from my my university's Department of Psychology. Guess which department's mine. Heh. Joy.

05-10-09

I love Heath Ledger.

Talking About Mahreen Ali Kasana a.k.a Een The Chikni.

"Mahreen Ali Kasana has been elected as Minister for Women Welfare at SAARC."

You deserve this published everywhere.

<3

King Moosa's Back.

Moosa: Hum agr paani be piyen na kilassss mein, to humarai teacherr chapait marti hain.

Me: Kyun?

Moosa: Ainwaen, bus. Aur agr koi bacha galat kaam karay na, to us ko ko moor-... moor-... wo KYA hota hai?!

Me: Murgha?

Moosa: HAN! Moorgah bana deti hain. Acha idea hai na?

Me: ...

Flashback.

First of all, ZOMG WE WON!!!

Not that I watched the match or anything, but I'm really happy (don't-kill-meh).

So, last night - the first part- was really good fun. Dad was on his way back

from Gujrat, with D and H updating him with the match scores. Loud arguments ensued over the phone calls with passion soaring up, up and up and up and... You get the point. Pakistan, India tha bhaee. Mazak hai koi?

As soon as dad got home, we broke out the Pepsi/ Coke and Sour Cream and Onion ganday se chips. EVERYONE was gathered around the T.V. Except yours truly. Who was watching One Tree Hill (again, don't-kill-meh).

Then we migrated to mom and dad's room, watching the match with the blessed, blessed air conditioner. With yours truly applying mehndi on first Mama's then Sid's hands. Heh.

Tempers were seriously running high with H so agitated, he was bouncing in his seat, literally vibrating with pashawn. Then the screams of OUT HAI, OUT HAI! YAR, IS UMPIRE NE PAISE KHAYE HUAY HAIN! PAGAL HAI YE ADMI?! OH BHAI, OUT HAI!!!

I jumped and ruined the mehndi every single time janab H sahab shouted and screamed and roared at the poor, hapless T.V. Aur phir light chali gai. Pakistan zindabad.

H turned on the radio full volume. I was in a half daze by then and applying wiggly squiggly things on my own hands. Mom and dad dozed on and off. Off, when there was only the sound of the radio. On, when H bellowed OUT HO GYA, OUT HAI YAR, UTHO SARAY, SO KAISE SAKTE HO??!!!

Anyway, after all the drama, Dad decided we're going out for beef kebab. At 2:30 a.m. I was lying down, admiring my hands by then, Sid was squinting at the laptop screen and Mom was sleeping. Dad woke her up 'chalo, kabab khanay chalein'. D, H and friends started their own cricket tournament around 2. So we went. For beef kebab. They were so good.

On the way back, the r.js were high on our victory. Everybody was playing puranay patriotic gaanay. So there we were, singing along to Ae Jazba Junoon, with all the windows rolled down when we stopped at the signal. Right beside my window, a few guys were roaring up on their bikes and one of them crashed into the car in front. There wasn't any damage, and the guy rolled his bike back to beside my window. The man who's car he crashed into got out with a gun in his hand. He slapped the bike guy, quite a few times - also with the butt of his gun. The guy fell down with his bike on top of him and the man kept hitting him.

Right. Beside. My. Open. Window. The gun scared the shit out of me, I am not kidding. Violence scares me. I haven't ever before realized what a sheltered life I've led. My heart literally skipped a beat, then started jack-hammering and all the blood drained out of my face. It may seem like an over reaction right here but if you were there... I was scared the man was going to shoot the guy. I don't know what happened since the signal went green at the moment the bike guy fell off.

I know he was wrong. But it doesn't justify the gun. I kept thinking (God forbid, God forbid) what if it had been one of my brothers? It shook me up. I don't know.

I just keep thinking about what happened to the guy.

Khair. We won =)

Sid:

Me: