Thursday, September 5, 2019

Fith

There are days when it feels like every step you ever took, every decision or choice you ever made led you to exactly this moment and this is where you're supposed to be.

Today isn't one of those days.

Today sucks so much.

Nothing happened as such, only an accumulation of tiny things that turned into a mountain when I wasn't looking.

It's not impossible, just overwhelming. Too much, at the moment.

I'm struggling to breathe, struggling to stop the constant tears and I don't want to talk to anyone about it.

So, you're it.





I miss home. 

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Issa Mad Nazu

I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed at everything.

I'm annoyed with everyone.

I live in annoyance.

Annoyance is all I know.

Sometimes, there's also irritation, but she's so closely related to annoyance, it's hard to tell the difference.

Sometimes, there's a reason, sometimes there isn't.

I'm just... UGH.

Maybe it's the weather. I'm always depressed and angry and emotional in the summer. Lahore is deadly in this heat. I don't know, I'm just so so so annoyed.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

I have friends!

Lol, I mean blogger friends.

I'm so so so happy to see old blogger friends commenting even now, about what... 7 or 8 years after we all left blogging??

I love seeing your comments on my posts Shreej and Furree I missed you!

I have some big big news coming up but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. So I'll leave you annoyed at yet another vague nothing blogpost hehehe.

You should be getting used to these by now.

COMMENT MORE, I STILL NEED VALIDATION AT THIS ADVANCED AGE.

Love you guys.

- My tags sound like an imbecile created them. I can't say I'm surprised but I did expect better from teenage me. Ah, well.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Popcorn Kernel

Another vague post not meant to be understood, just here for me to be nostalgic over - about 4 years from now.

I can't believe this is happening, I really can't. In a good way. Like... it's a good thing. I hope.

Good time, too.

Chalo bus ab Allah Hafiz.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Sum Sum Sweet

Sometimes I ask myself why I got married.

Then he'll do something like clear the sink because he knows I hate washing dishes.

Or clean the whole house, top to bottom, so that I won't have to.

Or bring me Pakola because I love it, get random cutesy stationary because I have a thing for that, have chai with me even when he doesn't want to just so I have company.

So I tell myself this is why.

Lol, I kid. He's kinda great. 

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Bah, Humbug

I'm sitting in my lounge. It's a beautiful evening with a balmy breeze and my husband is cooking dinner tonight.

Now for any 'sane' woman, this would be perfect.

For me?

Not so much.

Every single muscle is screaming at me O KADD BAAR AENU KITCHEN TOUN cause men are so INEFFICIENT in the kitchen, how they think they know better than women is mind boggling.

I'm a huge control freak, I know. I couldn't even sit in the kitchen and watch him work because all I kept thinking was 'wrong', 'that's not how you do that' 'oy na kar aise'.

So, you see. I have to bite my lip, clench my fingers, sit on my hands and force myself to slowly disengage before I do bodily harm.

Bichara, kis pagal se shadi kar li. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Bhindi

I quite like labeling all my posts with dinners I make (or heat up). I quite like food, bus baat asal mein yehi hai.

Sartaaj (lolol) ko bhindi zara nahi pasand, according to my in laws. Meri banayee hui to khayee jati hai hehe hehe mummy jee, ab kya hua pasand ko?

Okay sorry, bitchy ho gayee little bit.

Kal se Muharram shuro ho raha hai aur bara ajeeb lag raha hai planning everything on my own. New city, new majaalis, new customs. Lahore mein to pichlay kafi saal se routine set thi ammi ke sath. Iss saal, I'm on my own. Will crash random houses. Kinda apprehensive, because bachpan ki wallflower and socially uncomfortable feelings upar aa rahi hain. Got rid of most of those in college but kabhi kabhi, you know. Ainwaen bus.

Acha bus, ab recipe ki taraf ja rahi hain. Have to upload quite a few per as usual aadhi likh ke bore ho jaon gi phir aglay maheenay complete kar ke upload kar dun gi.

Chalo, bye.

P.S. 'Karachi' aur 'Sartaaj' ka tag zaruri mehsoos ho raha hai filwaqt. 

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Kharab.

Aaj kal ajeeb halat hai.
One day I'm happy, at peace, taking everything in stride.
The next day I'm angry, resentful, miserable and INSANELY homesick.

This has been happening every single day, for over a week.

Kuch kharab ho gaya hai meray dimagh mein.

Kisi ne agar iss ka ilzaam PMS ko diya, to chandd maarun gi.

Pls fix me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Soft Focus

I have a new soft gray, yellow and white bedspread that goes really well with my gray headboard. I have a new coffee scented candle and a warm yellow light string over my bed. I love the lights and the scents and the colors and I can't write this down anywhere else cause like... who'll get how/why I feel so happy about trivial things lol.

My room looks so welcoming and pretty. I just wish my family was here with me on Eid, would've been perfect.

Subha subha uthna hai, mein chali aan. 

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Butter Chicken Nights

Because that's what I cooked for dinner, hehe.

So after a couple months in Khi, I went home to Lahore and spent a crazy two weeks there. Busy, busy, busy with a wedding in the family, guests, the events, etc. I felt a little cheated out of time with my parents and siblings but I guess it is what it is.

Now I'm in Islamabad, at the in-laws and I'm homesick... again. So, I'm here. Again. You see this vicious cycle that ne - okay, sorry. Getting carried away with my whining.

Anyway. A week or 10 days here then back to Karachi for a month and thennnnn Islamabad again. I'm a nomad, surprise.

P.S. Lahore, I love you, but THE DAMN WEATHER. GOOD GOD. I'm a paseena puddle. 

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Baingan.

The only reason for that title is I'm warming some up right now. Baingan, that is. I feel like I always need to explain my strange, nonsense titles.

There's so much happening these days, just the thought of typing it out has me feeling overwhelmed, stressed and resulting in complete avoidance.

I'm just homesick right now so I came here. This is a sad little home too, lol.

Okay, more next time. Khana jal raha hai. 

Monday, May 21, 2018

Gorgeous and Loved

... Are the two Milani lip shades I'm obsessed with at the moment.

I just bought like 12 shades from Colourpop and am waiting for the shipment to arrive. Then I saw these two and fell in love. Obsessed all day over whether to order them now or wait for a bit. My guilty conscience is acting up quite a bit, so I still haven't arrived at a decision.

Anyway. We're probably moving cities for a few months and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Super happy about it because we'll have our own space and all. But then also kind of sad because I'll be pretty far from the family and with no job, pretty much bored out of my mind.

Although I do have friends there. And hobbies. Lots of stuff I like to do.

I think I obsess over things for little to no reason because I have the stupid.

Pls help me decide about the lipsticks, okay thanks.


Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Midsummer

I had a miserable day after that nice day but decided to grow up and not whine about it.

I didn't like it, but it was an interesting experiment in self control.

So I made Shahjahani pulao for the in laws today - special food, it being Shab-e-Barat and all. Bhabi made pudding that looks really really good. Yet to put my face in it, so don't know how it actually is.

I honestly don't know why I've started writing these useless details here.

I'm looking forward to dessert and then chai. So much chai.

The weather's cooled off a bit, thank God. It's been terrible the past couple days.

Acha, hope you have a good night, bye.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Sunday on Thursday

It's been a nice day and I wanted to write that somewhere.

I woke up, sent the husband off, then made chai for myself. 2 mugs, of course.

I read a little, watched The Holiday (finally), had some more chai and leftover Thai food.

I made Butter Chicken for dinner.

Now I'm reading a new book, with a Sunday morning playlist (hence the title) that sounds amazing thanks to my tiny speaker from Miniso.

It's been a nice day, and I want to preserve how good it feels. Here. For the next time things are not so nice and I'm missing home. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

A Little More

Here's what happened 5 mins after reaching the hotel in Dubai:

Husband: What's with the face? Kya hua?
Me: Nothing.
I know it's something. Tell me.
WHAT IF WE'RE BORED AND ANNOYED AND DON'T GET ALONG AND IT'S AWFUL AND HORRIBLE AND THE WHOLE TRIP SUCKS?!
-pause-

H: ... what if it doesn't suck?

That was us pretty much every day. Me, the mental patient. Him, the calm rational person telling me it's okay.

After that, things actually settled quite a bit and we managed to have a blast. Meeting friends often helped a lot. Things are easier in a crowd, and the pressure's off to be the one always talking, laughing, making interesting conversation (lol), etc. Also, shisha. I mean... soul food. Or smoke.

He really surprises me sometimes though. I mean that in a good way. In the 'I can't believe someone can genuinely be this nice' way. I thought I was the nicest person I knew. He has me beat by 500 levels. Kind of a strange feeling to be the idiot in the relationship but I'm okay with it, hehe. 

Back to work today for him, visiting family and friends for me. Little cousin who was 5 just a couple years ago is now suddenly an A level graduate and I'm helping her get ready for her farewell tonight. And then on Thursday, back to the original home. Yay!

Friday, April 6, 2018

Trippin'

So, we're headed to Dubai on a little trip and I have to say... It feels really fkn weird. The only time I traveled without my family was when I went to Dubai a couple years back and even then I had my sister and one of my closest friends with me.

I'm super stressed because the what ifs won't leave me alone, vaguely nauseous, exhausted, hungry and did I mention nauseous and stressed?

I don't know when this maelstrom will settle. I really hope it's soon because this way I'll probably just die from stress and overthinking in a couple weeks lol.

Here's to proving my fears wrong and having a great time. 🍻

Thursday, April 5, 2018

The Adjustment Period

Sounds like the title of a sad, conflicted book. Not far off the mark, waise.

For a couple days now (because of a friend's comment), I've genuinely been considering taking anti anxiety meds just to take the edge off. I know it's a stupid idea right now because after every major change, you have to wait at least 2 months before you can start telling yourself you have a problem that requires medication to fix.

That's the adjustment period. The two months. Two months of limbo where everything is uncertain and strange and feels alien. That's supposed to be normal because the threshold for acceptance of all things new and weird is supposed to be 2 months. At least.

It's only been 13 days for me, so like I said - stupid idea to even consider taking meds, even OTC meds.

Everyone else is telling me to take my time, these things don't happen overnight, it's scary and anxiety inducing for everyone, just give it time, time, time.

I have always been so bad at that. I have zero patience when it comes to fixing my own issues, which is really dumb when you're a psychologist. Okay, maybe not so dumb. Maybe this is what all of us do. Is it? Anyone?

Khair. I'm usually great at rambling and whining, and what better place to do both than here, my crazy ass blog since '09? Good God, it's been 8 years. Just counted and it struck me. That's a long, long time to be whining and ranting and rambling and generally being an idiot.

For those of you who know me and will be concerned after this creepy, depressing post - I'm not unhappy, lol. Just weirded out and finding it difficult to adjust without the family and support system. It's strange, that's all.

I really want those pills tho. Just to have fun for the next few days because trip, yay.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

The 18th

I noticed my last post went up almost exactly a month ago, thought it was time for another.

Everything changed between then and now. Some of it good, some of it bad.

I couldn't be vaguer if I tried, lol.

I want to say a lot of things, especially things I'm having trouble figuring out but thanks to my early days of extremely dumb blogging, my name is now everywhere. Can't risk it, you know how it is.

All I can say is, it's really tough being an adult, sometimes. Especially when those frequent hospital visits for your parents start. Then you get married and have to move away and it starts driving you mental thinking 'who's going to take care of them?!' I know they'll be well taken care of. Logically, I know that. But I have a slight god complex that makes me think 'not like I'll take care of them'. So, you know. Problems.

I don't know, I'm rambling yet again. Every time I think this time I'll make sense.. Lol.

This might all be because I haven't had chai this morning. Who knows?

Monday, December 18, 2017

Erciyes

It's been a harrowing week. I can't find any other word for it, so don't tell me not to be dramatic. It's been harrowing (I'm sticking with it).

Hospitals and weddings, all in one week. Believe me, that would drive anyone nuts. One of those weeks where you feel you're exhibiting each and every symptom of Bipolar Disorder except you're just exhausted and your emotions are see-sawing all over the place.

I don't even know why I'm writing it here. Felt like the place to vent, considering its birth and history. I'm going to have chai and pretend to look like I'm working.

I just want a year long break from the bad stuff. I'm not asking the impossible, I didn't say forever. Just... you know. A year? Half? Anything?

Okay, thanks for tuning in to small whiny person.

P.S. Erciyes is a volcano in Kayseri, Turkey. 

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Istanbul, Chapter 3: Şişli to Marmara

Wow, people actually read chapter 2, I'm impressed. It was so long, I didn't go through it myse - okay, that's a lie, I went though it 1896568799000 times. I see a couple of you left comments (vehshi naach) so I'll address those before resuming with our normal transmission.

BumbleBee - Thanks for the positive feedback! I definitely plan to include shopping and food both, not to worry. The cost breakup is something I can't really help with myself since my dad (he's a travel agent) took care of our hotel expenses. We paid for our food and shopping and traveling on metros/cabs were split whenever possible. If you still need an estimate, leave me your email address or contact me on Twitter and I can get you in touch with my dad's agency.

Anonymous - You can easily find out the average rates of hotels online, that's how we finalized ours. Everything you need to know is available on TripAdvisor. As for the domestic flights - again, the rates are easily available online. When we booked ours, the fares changed twice or thrice so you'll have to check the going rate, I wouldn't know. Like I wrote to BumbleBee, if you want to contact me and get the number for my dad's agency, feel free to contact!

AncientHydra - You'd win this unfitness-off, hands down. NO to roller skates, the streets are more often cobblestoned than not, and you with your unfit regime could end up seriously hurting yourself. Please to not do that. I'll add in more detail when I'm done with the major stuff, be patient! (super glad you're reading all the crap I write though 💜).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right then, back to my trip. Day 3 found two of us injured with the always accompanying feverish symptoms, two of us too exhausted to go anywhere (parents had already been traveling for well over a month) and the last two (my brother and I) restless and uncaring of the heat - and let me tell you IT WAS HOT. Like, Lahore hot. Just not with the horrid, breathing-through-soup humidity so bearable hot. So we did what anyone does in this kind of heat: went to hunt ice cream. Now, here is one of my top favorite things about Turkey: Mado. This wonderful, amazing, reaching-genius-level lovely, lovely gelato was my saviour every day; sometimes twice a day. Their Nutty Roasted Caramel is out of this world good. This ice cream place is all over the 3 cities I visited, in pretty much every popular street - in the markets, by the beach, by the hotels, by the food strip. Pretty easy to find. The flavors aren't too creative but what they have is this gorgeously textured gelato with a depth of flavor that's absolutely fantastic. It's not just an ice cream parlor though, they have their own cafes serving food - both local Turkish cuisine and other stuff. When you go, please do try their desserts and food, it was one of my favorite places there.
These are only the ones I paused to take pictures of, not all the ones I ate. I ate a lot. 
*Disclaimer* all food pictures are from my phone, please forgive the wonky colors and composition.

A little bit about Turkish cuisine: if you're not a fan of meat or lamb, bring your tin ke dabbay with your choice of food with you. Turkish food is meat, meat, meat with a side of meat. Not to say it wasn't good - it was actually pretty flavorful, depending on which restaurant you picked. Most dishes are served with a massive bowl of salad and yogurt (their yogurt was super good) and sometimes, a basket of bread with dipping sauces of weird things I couldn't recognize except olive-chili oil.

Great bread, weird dips.
There are doner places everywhere, which is great if you like mild wraps. Fast food chains like Burger King, KFC and McDonald's are very popular there. This one time, I ordered a burger at BK because I wanted a break from the local food and I kid you not, the meat patty was making the sides of the burger box bulge out and tear. It. Was. MASSIVE.

Lamb shish
 Their lamb shish, lamb chops and chicken shish are safe options pretty much everywhere.



Lamb chops










Their local pizzas are kind of meh - toppings are great but there's too much of the sheep's cheese they love and the bread is too weak to hold it all so it ends up an attractive, oddly imbalanced mess in your mouth.
Pizza with gooey toppings and super mild flavor
Plain cheese
Ground meat with cheese and veggies
Which brings me to my most important point: never having tried it before, I thought sheep's cheese would be okayish, nothing too amazing. But man, was I ever wrong. They do these flatbreads at every local cafe and restaurant called 'pide'. The fillings range from plain cheese and ground meat to combinations of both with veggies or even half and half. These were hands down the BEST food item in all of Turkey (that I saw). I can't begin to describe how good these are, you'll just have to take my word for it until you go to Turkey and try these yourself which you MUST.

 We tried their local fried chicken which wasn't bad, just kind of tough to chew - or at least mine was. I think because the oil was reused and also I really, really hate the flavor of sesame oil so I wouldn't give it 5 stars. But hey, it looked good.


Also, if you're into breads, they have this sesame coated bread I forgot the name of - it's a circle of twisted dough that's baked a deep golden brown and it smells sooooo good! It also tastes pretty great, provided you get a fresh one and not the ones they've baked at 5 a.m. These are available in every street, every food place, every ferry/boat ride. Very common.

Sorry for the mediocre pictures, most times I was too hungry to wait so I just ate it all and then remembered I had to take pictures but it was too late, obviously. It's okay though, I don't mind. The food for me was a bit too mild at places so I wasn't a huge fan but there were some places that did something exceptionally amazing to the meat and it was divine. I'll show you those pictures later, I'm not adding everything I ate and liked here, these are just a few things.

Also, not adding anything tea or coffee related here. Those I feel deserve more than just a cursory mention, so I'll include those in either the next post or some other one. I also have cute pictures of the Turkish chai and I want to show those off, so you'll just have to wait and see. I wasn't intending to talk about the cuisine just yet but... oh well.



Coming back to what I did on day 3 - shopped for things like iron-on badges, cute little bags, any souvenir type thing, explored adorable street-side cafes - mostly just roamed around the area I was staying in. It's called Şişli so that's where I was and the street market there was awesome. There's loads of shops that sell pretty much everything and the price range is low (street vendors, small markets, tiny shops) to high (upscale boutiques, pretty cafes, sexy shoe stores), depending on which shop you enter.



When it got too hot, we went up to the hotel's rooftop swimming pool which had a nice cool breeze so hung out there for a while. Here's a view of a tiny section of the city from up there.


Post 4 p.m., it got really hot and even the breeze stopped (plus we were hungry and tired) so all of us decided to rest up a little before heading out in the evening. Around 9ish, baba suddenly decided to have dinner near the seaside. That wasn't exactly nearby but we were so excited at the prospect of thandi hawa and good food and just chilling out that we ran to the Metro station. Got there in about 40 minutes and walked through the area (which by day is Spice Bazar, by night it's... closed). A lot of street vendors had set up supplies near the bridge and under it so you can get a lot of cheap shopping done there (the bridge by the Marmara sea). If I'm not explaining things right, don't worry, you'll find it anyway lol. Here are some nighttime views of random places I liked.


Loved, loved, loved this purple bridge. Picture doesn't do it justice. 


There were tons of seafood restaurants in the area, but the coolest part was how they arranged it all. So, on the docks, they'd set out chairs and tables for the customers but the kitchens were in the boats and ferries themselves - on the water, tied of course but the chefs and waiters would jump on and off the boat to speak to/serve the customers.


We sat here and had chai and boiled corn (I don't know how theirs tastes so good while ours tastes like... boiled corn). Nobody felt like seafood, and there was a strip of local Turkish restaurants on the other side so we started meandering - yes, meandering - there.
Had a great dinner of Turkish sandwiches and shisha - more on that later.



I don't remember if this is the Golden Horn Bridge, the Golden something or the Golden something or the other. But it's golden, it's pretty, it's a tram station and it's famous. Sorry, I suck at remembering stuff. 

Alright then, huge ass post once more, I hope you guys enjoy it. I'll be adding more about food and shopping bits wherever possible, since I still have 3 more days to do in Istanbul before moving on to Izmir and Kayseri - which in comparison will sound like I spent all that time in a coma. 

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